I have been exceptionally good this year. Well, at least I’ve tried really hard to be good. But there are all sorts of things that can get in the way.
I’ve been doing extra chores this year. It’s hard to pick up after children that hide things, especially cookie dough behind the cabinets, snacks in drawers, and even the papers that get ripped up into a million little pieces because it is an “activity” that keeps one of my kids busy. It can take a huge amount of planning to get the chores done and also manage to pick up and move pictures to the holes in the walls so that the visitors do not feel they have entered a “unsafe ” place.
I am not even talking about the singing that I have to do to get my daughter to eat, or the dancing I must do to get her to drink. It is difficult being the mom and the entertainer. Combining discipline and building positive self esteem is hard. NOT like the Italian home I grew up in.. you knew if the wooden spoon was raised you ran!
I have also tried to go grocery shopping at 11pm so that my children are sleeping all nestled in their beds and limit the number of customers who point at me and say “That”s the mom with the unruly child.” It also helps with the child who feels he needs to eat certain things to keep the voices in his head away.. if you drink lots of water you will not hear the scratching on the window that is not there.
I am trying to be nice to everyone but Santa, have you ever called Mobile Crisis? They want you to schedule a time for the crisis! When you call, they seem to always say it is shift change and they won’t have a clinician in for four hours. How do you pause a crisis? I call, at first to explain, then I’m more demanding but still patient, and then okay, I talk about the laws and then I’m called the parent OUT OF CONTROL.
Santa, I’ve spent a lot of time teaching too. Everywhere I go it seems I have teaching to do — grocery stores, banks, even people in cars looking as you are waiting for the stop light. Seems like everyone has to LOOK at our kids and judge us. So I am trying Santa.. but it gets hard. The new item in the state is Wraparound. What they don’t tell you is…well, can you imagine not believing in strength based families? Why is it such a hard concept? And you know my tough child–the one that hears voices–who doesn’t know what to do and sometimes wonders why he should continue to try? This Wraparound thing would never work for him because he is too unique–the system calls him too complicated.
Finally.. I really want to go back to DMH and get a caseworker that believes in families, believes in clinical help. They call back, they support, and guess what .. they do not want to file 51As. I am trying to believe that the professionals in Wraparound will get it.. but how many times do you need to change teams in order to succeed?
So I hope all this counts. My list this year is a list of the things I think would help me with the system. It’s a little like a top 10 countdown (I would love to be Jay Leno, or Letterman). Will people get my sense of humor? It is different then most… I guess not really if you have a child like mine.
The items on my list are in the order of importance, so if there are too many things for you to carry, please delete as few of the items as possible, starting from the bottom of my list.
Santa, I will leave you organic oatmeal cookies and soy milk (in case you are lactose intolerant) and carrots for your reindeer (organically grown of course).
Thank you in advance. I know you receive a lot of letters so you don’t need to reply unless there is a problem with my list or you need services for another child. I have taught myself to be resourceful so please let me know if I can help someone else get it right!
10. Mobile crisis to move in my home
9. Clinicians who will talk to all parts of the team
8. Schools that do not depend on the parent to play expert, and then blame them if it doesn’t work
7. A secretary
6. A full time nurse – those somatic symptoms creep up on us
5. News station to teach the public about children’s mental health
4. Safety protection.. not what you are thinking… i want bubble wrap so when the heat is hot.. i am protected!!!
3. Another set of eyes.. reality tv please. The money would pay for the lawyers.
2. I always wanted more children, so for this one could each kid in DCF or any other system get a someone to call mom, dad, grandma or grandpa?
1. Ok.. I have decided.. nothing can be cut off my list…I need it all to make things work
Today is April 19th, or Patriots’ Day, here in Massachusetts. It is a holiday unique to our state and Maine, which was once part of Massachusetts. The Boston Marathon is run, the Red Sox play a day game at Fenway and the battles of Lexington and Concord are re-enacted. (Much as it sounds like it, it is not a celebration of our New England football team.)
The events we celebrate took place in 1775. Even though that’s 235 years ago, there are still lessons we can learn from those events. Lessons that are still relevant as we all work to improve the mental health system for children and their families.
All of us are familiar with Paul Revere’s ride. But did you know that Paul Revere was able to be successful in rousing the countryside because he had played a part in the Tea Party (the first one) and had strong connections to other local leaders? He spread the word of the British advance by stopping at the houses of key people in each town along his ride. In other words, he was part of a network of leaders who were able to push forward change.
Most of the citizen soldiers who came forward that day, the Lexington and Concord minutemen, were untried and untested. Like many of us, they were scared but followed through anyway. They believed in and fought for rights and freedoms they just didn’t have under British rule. Because of them, many Americans of that time began to believe that it might be a worthy idea to fight against a system that wasn’t working for them and fight for one that represented their values.
This was an era when most European countries — and the colonies that would later become countries — were ruled by kings or queens. The British were considered the greatest military power of their time. Yet, the men who came out to fight that day believed that certain powers and rights rested with the individual and could only be given freely to form a union. Their power sprang from the individual taking action, not conferred by a monarch.
So those of us who advocate for a better world for children with mental health needs and their families can learn three key lessons from the events that we celebrate each Patriots’ Day:
First, be a networker like Paul Revere. Find other leaders and strengthen the network that can create change by being part of it.
Second, be ready to fight in small and large ways for the ideas and principles you value. Only by insisting that they are important can we alter the mental health system for children and families a little at a time.
Third, remember that the power to change things lies with the individual. It’s easy to focus only on our daily challenges but we are all able to move things in the right direction, even if it’s just a little at a time.
Have a happy Patriots’ Day!