Hold On, It's Not Over

A Blog about Children's Mental Health in Massachusetts

Dear Santa

Meri Viano is a guest blogger for Hold On, It’s Not Over and the mother of three children. This is her letter to Santa.

Dear Santa,

I have been exceptionally good this year. Well, at least I’ve tried really hard to be good. But there are all sorts of things that can get in the way.

I’ve been doing extra chores this year. It’s hard to pick up after children that hide things, especially cookie dough behind the cabinets, snacks in drawers, and even the papers that get ripped up into a million little pieces because it is an “activity” that keeps one of my kids busy. It can take a huge amount of planning to get the chores done and also manage to pick up and move pictures to the holes in the walls so that the visitors do not feel they have entered a “unsafe ” place.

I am not even talking about the singing that I have to do to get my daughter to eat, or the dancing I must do to get her to drink. It is difficult being the mom and the entertainer. Combining discipline and building positive self esteem is hard. NOT like the Italian home I grew up in.. you knew if the wooden spoon was raised you ran!

I have also tried to go grocery shopping at 11pm so that my children are sleeping all nestled in their beds and limit the number of customers who point at me and say “That”s the mom with the unruly child.” It also helps with the child who feels he needs to eat certain things to keep the voices in his head away.. if you drink lots of water you will not hear the scratching on the window that is not there.

I am trying to be nice to everyone but Santa, have you ever called Mobile Crisis? They want you to schedule a time for the crisis! When you call, they seem to always say it is shift change and they won’t have a clinician in for four hours. How do you pause a crisis? I call, at first to explain, then I’m more demanding but still patient, and then okay, I talk about the laws and then I’m called the parent OUT OF CONTROL.

Santa, I’ve spent a lot of time teaching too. Everywhere I go it seems I have teaching to do — grocery stores, banks, even people in cars looking as you are waiting for the stop light. Seems like everyone has to LOOK at our kids and judge us. So I am trying Santa.. but it gets hard. The new item in the state is Wraparound. What they don’t tell you is…well, can you imagine not believing in strength based families? Why is it such a hard concept? And you know my tough child–the one that hears voices–who doesn’t know what to do and sometimes wonders why he should continue to try? This Wraparound thing would never work for him because he is too unique–the system calls him too complicated.

Finally.. I really want to go back to DMH and get a caseworker that believes in families, believes in clinical help. They call back, they support, and guess what .. they do not want to file 51As. I am trying to believe that the professionals in Wraparound will get it.. but how many times do you need to change teams in order to succeed?

So I hope all this counts. My list this year is a list of the things I think would help me with the system. It’s a little like a top 10 countdown (I would love to be Jay Leno, or Letterman). Will people get my sense of humor? It is different then most… I guess not really if you have a child like mine.

The items on my list are in the order of importance, so if there are too many things for you to carry, please delete as few of the items as possible, starting from the bottom of my list.

Santa, I will leave you organic oatmeal cookies and soy milk (in case you are lactose intolerant) and carrots for your reindeer (organically grown of course).

Thank you in advance. I know you receive a lot of letters so you don’t need to reply unless there is a problem with my list or you need services for another child. I have taught myself to be resourceful so please let me know if I can help someone else get it right!

10. Mobile crisis to move in my home

9. Clinicians who will talk to all parts of the team

8. Schools that do not depend on the parent to play expert, and then blame them if it doesn’t work

7. A secretary

6. A full time nurse – those somatic symptoms creep up on us

5. News station to teach the public about children’s mental health

4. Safety protection.. not what you are thinking… i want bubble wrap so when the heat is hot.. i am protected!!!

3. Another set of eyes.. reality tv please. The money would pay for the lawyers.

2. I always wanted more children, so for this one could each kid in DCF or any other system get a someone to call mom, dad, grandma or grandpa?

1. Ok.. I have decided.. nothing can be cut off my list…I need it all to make things work

December 19, 2010 Posted by | children's mental health | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Calling for mobile crisis

One of the new services for families in Massachusetts is the mobile crisis initiative or MCI.  Mobile crisis — sounds like something that will come to you when you have a crisis and stay there till the worst has passed, doesn’t it?  Except it doesn’t always work like that.

This service has incredible potential.  And in some parts of the state, it helps families whose children have a behavioral health crisis enormously. The intake worker “gets it” and sends out the team, the team goes where the child or youth is and figures out what to do, and the family has follow-up for 72 hours if that’s what they need.  The team includes a family partner whose role is to ensure that a family’s perspective and choices are heard loudly and clearly and included in the solution.  Until these new services began, the only “mobility” anyone ever saw was the crisis team going from their office to the hospital emergency department and then traveling back to their office.

The tricky thing about mental health care is that how well it works relies heavily on relationships, even very short term ones.  Clinical skills count as does experience and expertise.  But the expectation that each person has a job to do and is doing it as best they can is what builds the bond that can make things work. 

Most crises, as any parent can tell you, happen at home and after business hours.  Sure, there are times when a child or youth becomes suicidal or out of control at school or somewhere else.  But a huge percentage of mental health crises occur at home. The parent sees what sets things off, usually knows what isn’t going to work ahead of time and can judge what’s outside of their own ability to handle things.  So, they call in reinforcements. 

Sometimes problems start with the phone call.  The intake worker decides that the parent should be able to “manage” things at home.  Or advises the parent that the MCI team can’t come out and they should try the emergency department instead.  Sometimes new problems come with the team themselves.  In one instance, the mobile crisis worker remarked, “This child is running the house.  What are you going to do about that, Mom?”  In these cases, the service may have changed but the attitude hasn’t.

Massachusetts Behavioral Health Partnership, who oversees the new mobile crisis services, has been working hard to improve them by offering training, consulting and other assistance. For some provider agencies with MCI teams, this is just what they need.  Others, however, don’t seem to have the committment to adopt this new model and, instead, continue to do business as usual. 

One father wrote in an email recently of his experience with the MCI team in his area.  He called and outlined the escalation in his son’s delusions and behaviors and asked for the team to come out.  Instead he was told to go the emergency department.  After several hours, poor service and little help, a supervisor apologized for making his son and he go through it all.  “I told them that the ER visit wasn’t needed, and now all we got was an apology for having to go through it, he wrote.   “Parents need to be listened to from the beginning, not apologized to at the end. “

February 28, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | 3 Comments